It is of course election time in Scotland, and as a somewhat political person I have been trying to keep tabs on the developments at home. In doing so I listened to a webcast on the BBC between Carolyn Leckie of the SSP and Rosemary Byrne of Solidarity. I did so because I was genuinely interested to see if there were any substantive policy differences between the two. However, for the first ten minutes all they did was bicker over the Sheridan fiasco and so I, bored and annoyed, went for a shower.

Now one of the advantages of living in a studio apartment with great soundproofing is that I can sing as loud I want, when taking a dusche. If I remember correctly I moved through a selection of show tunes from West Side Story to Les Miserables. It was at this point, that I thought I heard my front door slam shut. In fact I was certain that it had. This on it’s own was not enough to raise any alarm, as sometimes other front doors can sound like my won. But I swore, I swore…. I could hear voices. Good grief. I was. I definitely could hear people talking from outside my bathroom. Suddenly I panicked, did I have robbers in my pseudo Hefner esque Bachelor pad.

Now in my shower I have two showerheads in my bathroom. One a fixed power shower and the other one of those detachable flexy things for doing your bits and pieces. Now I had already sort of damaged the flexible one already, but in my panic I ripped the metal shower head off. After steeling myself I ran out brandishing my bludgeoning showerhead to confront these aggressors. I of course confronted the dulcet tones of Ms Leckie and Ms Byrne buzzing from my laptop speakers.

I cannot help but wonder who however would have been more scared, the erstwhile robber or me. I mean I doubt the average Seoul miscreant is mentally prepared for the sight of a soaking wet Scotsman in the scud, unleashing a guttaral battle cry whilst carrying a detached showerhead. Probably not covered in your average Tae Kwon Do class.

So I stood there soaking wet, dripping on the floor, staring at the ripped off showerhead. How I have survived this long I just don’t know.the floor, staring at the ripped off showerhead. How I have survived this long I just don’t know.