My night did not actually end after the wolfhound. I went on to have some more adventures at a club I am beginning to regularly frequent. I was quite happy to see that I was nodded in without having to pay cover. Sweet.
Anyway, I kept smashing away the drinks and unlocked the repertoire of incredible dance moves that allowed me to win a dancing contest while on holiday in Majorca at age seven.
After taking a break from my John Travolta impressions I would pop through to the quieter bar in the club for some relaxation. As often happens it is quite easy to get to chat to people and people are often quite interested in my accent. Anyway, we got talking to these four people, a couple from the South of England and a couple from the States. The couple were both African American and were clearly no strangers to the inside of a McDonalds. She in particular was a big girl. I mean massive. I mean she looked like she should really be in Disneyland walking around holding a smoked turkey leg. So big that as she approached she warped the physical laws of space time and I found myself back in Glasgow at my tenth birthday. If the North Koreans ever invade then she could easily be utilised as a human roadblock, no problems.
The inevitable where do you come from discussion ensued. This was easily cleared up until this girl asked me to guess where she was from. Erm "New York.'" No. "Washington D.C" No. "Atlanta."
"Excuse me." Her hands leveraged onto her oversized hips. "Do you know how rude it is to accuse people of being from the South." I just gave a baffled, yet polite grin. "I am not from the South, I am from the Pacific Northwest, Portland, Oregon."
Outwardly, I was drunkenly apologetic and affable, however inwardly I was thinking, you stupid bitch. If you are so proud of your Portlandian heritage then why have people play the guessing game to get there. "I am sorry I forgot to tell you I am not an expert in the linguistic nuances of the North American continent, how rude!" Furthermore, it is not like I implied she was from some provincial backwater. What has Atlanta got to be famous about? How about a massive population and economy, the home of CNN and oh gosh it hosted the fucking Olympic Games!! Thankfully, her husband, who looked like he could play line for an American football team simply shook his head ruefully, this was clearly not the first time he witnessed this performance.
No fear, it certainly did not take the shine off an epic night.
********************************************
I got further confirmation that figures at the other academy that I teach at have a problem with my background and my 'minority voice.' Annoying. If I wanted people to assume I was stupid because of my accent I could have taken the train to Edinburgh. No worries, I will overcome as I have been to the mountaintop and had a dream.
**************************************************
I went to see '300' on Friday night. It was stunning, an extraordinary smorgasbord of stunning visuals, gory violence and glorious overacting. I saw it in a brand new cinema equipped with a digital projector and it looked amazing. Also, it could make a good date movie, as the chaps can enjoy the scrappy scrappy and the girls can admire the physiques. I am serious, I have never seen so many six packs since the last time I was at the off licence bit in a cash and carry. I was unaware that the Spartans had a subscription to Men's Health and followed a high protein-low carbohydrate diet, but apparently so. A really amazing looking film though, well, well, worth watching.
Anyway, I kept smashing away the drinks and unlocked the repertoire of incredible dance moves that allowed me to win a dancing contest while on holiday in Majorca at age seven.
After taking a break from my John Travolta impressions I would pop through to the quieter bar in the club for some relaxation. As often happens it is quite easy to get to chat to people and people are often quite interested in my accent. Anyway, we got talking to these four people, a couple from the South of England and a couple from the States. The couple were both African American and were clearly no strangers to the inside of a McDonalds. She in particular was a big girl. I mean massive. I mean she looked like she should really be in Disneyland walking around holding a smoked turkey leg. So big that as she approached she warped the physical laws of space time and I found myself back in Glasgow at my tenth birthday. If the North Koreans ever invade then she could easily be utilised as a human roadblock, no problems.
The inevitable where do you come from discussion ensued. This was easily cleared up until this girl asked me to guess where she was from. Erm "New York.'" No. "Washington D.C" No. "Atlanta."
"Excuse me." Her hands leveraged onto her oversized hips. "Do you know how rude it is to accuse people of being from the South." I just gave a baffled, yet polite grin. "I am not from the South, I am from the Pacific Northwest, Portland, Oregon."
Outwardly, I was drunkenly apologetic and affable, however inwardly I was thinking, you stupid bitch. If you are so proud of your Portlandian heritage then why have people play the guessing game to get there. "I am sorry I forgot to tell you I am not an expert in the linguistic nuances of the North American continent, how rude!" Furthermore, it is not like I implied she was from some provincial backwater. What has Atlanta got to be famous about? How about a massive population and economy, the home of CNN and oh gosh it hosted the fucking Olympic Games!! Thankfully, her husband, who looked like he could play line for an American football team simply shook his head ruefully, this was clearly not the first time he witnessed this performance.
No fear, it certainly did not take the shine off an epic night.
********************************************
I got further confirmation that figures at the other academy that I teach at have a problem with my background and my 'minority voice.' Annoying. If I wanted people to assume I was stupid because of my accent I could have taken the train to Edinburgh. No worries, I will overcome as I have been to the mountaintop and had a dream.
**************************************************
I went to see '300' on Friday night. It was stunning, an extraordinary smorgasbord of stunning visuals, gory violence and glorious overacting. I saw it in a brand new cinema equipped with a digital projector and it looked amazing. Also, it could make a good date movie, as the chaps can enjoy the scrappy scrappy and the girls can admire the physiques. I am serious, I have never seen so many six packs since the last time I was at the off licence bit in a cash and carry. I was unaware that the Spartans had a subscription to Men's Health and followed a high protein-low carbohydrate diet, but apparently so. A really amazing looking film though, well, well, worth watching.
posted by Special_K at 11:25 PM
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