So I am home. I am back in Bishopbriggs on the edge of weegieville and have been for nearly a week. I have not wrapped up the blog because my thoughts have understandably been elsewhere. I actually finished work on the 30th August, but then Ihad nearly a fortnight to wait until I had been paid and could go home. (B

There were no emotional scenes on my last day of work, no tearful goodbyes or a melancholic anecdotal exchange. I just packed my stuff, printed off my e-tickets and said a warm, but hardly gushing goodbye to my Korean colleague. I felt a slight tinge of regret that my supposed year of drilling able Korean whippersnappers into debating machines had never materialised. However, there was no real melancholy or sadness. The futility of the endeavour had become apparent to me for months and my last day was just the final coughing wheeze of a dying creature.

In truth, in nearly nine months of time in Korea I achieved almost nothing of merit or note. I was involved in businesses that were unmitigated disasters. I am the Korean educational equivalent of Jonah. Employing me was like a pirate receiving a black spot, a rugby player a hospital pass or a a minister receiving a set of Blair constitutional reforms. Seriously, I could have not been more bad news if I was wearing a black cloak and a scythe. I am exaggerating of course as when I first got here I really did work hard. I was enthusiastic, hard working and really very eager to please. However, the circumstances to get things done properly were never there. A potent mixture of arrogance, ignorance and profound greed meant that these companies were doomed to failure. If nothing else I have learned some pretty clear lessons about what not to do if you have any intention of seeing a company succeed.

Despite the fact that it just seemed fated to end in tears. I am glad I got to be involved in world schools. I was a safe pair of hands there I think and I thoroughly enjoyed being part of the competition. It is something that I can see myself being involved in the future and if circumstances allow, I would love to head over to Washington D.C for the competition there. Had I never been in Seoul I would never have been involved in WSDC, so I am glad I came in that regard.

But what do I really think of the place I lived for nearly two thirds of a year. Seoul is a strange, strange place. Depending on the definition used, over twenty million people live in the greater Seoul boundaries. Yet despite this incredible population it is not a city of great diversity at all. Essentially, it is a reflection of the wider racially homogenous Korean society where on most subways rides you will see just a sea of Korean faces. Compare that with the London or even Glasgow underground system and that is a contrast I never quite got used to.

I think there is a definite duality within the Korean people. They can have a fairly arrogant and superior attitude about certain things, but I think this is counter balanced against a certain chip on the shoulder and inferiority complex. The end result I suppose of a country with a very old and developed Confucian culture, but that has also been invaded more times than Paris. (Hilton and France.) They have a history to be proud of and a history to be profoundly sore about. I think that shows.

Moreover, I just think that lots of Koreans work too hard. I do not think that the people in Korea are intrinsically unfriendly or grumpy. I just think they are tired and a tad morose. Take a rush hour trip on the Seoul subway and you will witness a block of humanity that actually look physically compressed by the difficulties and challenges of an ordinary day. Now of course everywhere in the advanced world, normal punters have hellish stresses, but in Korea, well I just think that amps are turned to eleven. It starts with an educational system of nightmarish intensity and I just think it goes from there.

I think a lot of my friends, both in Korea and at home had the erroneous impression of me being completely miserable over there. Absolutely not true. The first few months were certainly not the best and proved to be very difficult and yes I definitely talked about coming home early. However, I was pretty happy for the majority of the time. As much as the job was a complete failure, life generally was quite easy. As the kids quit I got more and more free time and I was always fine for money. In fact I don’t think most of my adult life will be as stress free as life was most of the time in Seoul.

Nevertheless, it is nice to be back in Glasgow. The Georgian buildings are welcome relief after wandering around Seoul, which must be the most fuck ugly city in the world. If Anne Widdecombe, after a heavy night on the Bombay Sapphire were a city it would be Seoul. Ugly, ugly concrete blocks. It has been good catching up with family and friends since I have got home and I look forward to seeing everyone soon.

This blog however has been an excellent notion. During the especially difficult periods at the start, pouring it out over the interweb proved to be exceedingly cathartic. Also, I think it has been successful in catching the comic surrealism of certain incidents and if that has given a welcome chuckle for some nine to fivers, or cramming students then that is Kool and the Gang. (By the way I have set up a new blog at abowlofspecialk.blogspot.com I will give you the full details over there if you want a look.)

In the final analysis, Kimchi never really won a place in my heart, but Irn Bru and a sausage supper I think, always will.

Annyong Haseyo Folks.

Napoleon Bonapartes, Jean Paul Sartres, Thierry Henry, Gerard Depardieu... your boys just took one hell of a beating!!

For a few reasons, I have even more spare time in my little studio flat at the moment. This has meant I have been watching lots and lots of DVD's. Recently, I punched in the classic Indiana Jones trilogy and enjoyed them immensely. These films are possibly my favorite films ever. When I was young I actually wanted to be an archaeologist for a period, until I realised that most of the job did not consist of fighting Nazis and running through booby trapped tombs. The shot in the last crusade which sees the mercenary place the fedora on the head of young Jones played by River Phoenix and then cuts to grown up Indy on the boat is just awesome.

Now all that being said, there are a few dodgy moments in The Temple of Doom and I never quite realised how dodgy they were. Let us just say that the 'Uncle Tom' Jar Jar Binks character is not the first rather racist bit of cinema George Lucas has been involved in. For those of you who don't remember this film in vivid detail, let me recap for you. Indy and the gang make their way to and Indian temple where they discover shady and sinister goings on within. However, before they find the dark activities they are served a lovely gala dinner. What is on the menu? Yes, Snake stuffed with dung beetles. Ah of course, because next to Chicken Tikka Masala on the menu's at the Charing Cross curry houses is stuffed snake with beetles. Willie, Indy's token bit of stuff, then asks if she can have something simple like soup. The kind hosts oblige and bring her soup filled with eyeballs. Ah yes eyeball soup, perfect for dipping a bit of Nan bread into. I am not sure what most Indians do eat, but my vague knowledge is that they are lentil based curries most of the time. At a stretch a bit of snake, at a big stretch some beetles, but soup filled with eyeballs...

Now very quickly Indy and the gang discover the evil goings on down in the subterranean depths of the palace. Where we discover the evil black magic of crazy India dark priests. Firstly, this is a bit of a slight against the fine religious traditions of India, which has by my count, contributed no less than three major world religions. Now all of this is just a wee bitty unseemly, but things get really dodgy when the Indians break out the voodoo. Yes the voodoo. They use the little doll to stab Jones in the back as he scraps with an Indian hard man. Now as anyone who has see the Bond flick “Live and Let Die” can tell you, voodoo originates in Haiti. I do not know exactly how far away Haiti is from India but it is fucking far. I can only imagine the rage as Vishnu watched, his many arms writhing in rage. Delhi, cannot have been too happy at the time of release I imagine. “I d o not care if these guys were responsible for Star Wars and Jaws, we are not letting them pull this pish!"

Anyway, George Lucas and Steven Spielberg, great filmmakers who have brought joy to millions around the world and utilised the power of imagination past normal boundaries. Still, possibly a wee bit racist.

I have been here rather a while now, nevertheless there are moments when I realise just how bloody bizarre thing can appear. I went out to get some chicken for dinner. Being a little bit crazy, I went to the place five minutes or so down the road rather than a floor below me. (You know I like to mix it up like that.) So, I ordered my chicken and sat at the little plastic table waiting for them to prepare the plastic tasting shite. As I waited I looked at the programme that was on the little portable TV in the place. It was showing some sort of Karaoke competiton, where this bizarre cavalcade of Koreans would take turn singing different tunes. It was not like the show had much in the way of production values either. It reminded me of the stage for the final of Malaysia Worlds, any of you who were there will remember it distinctly. Furthermore, most of them were not any good, in fact they were pure pish and could not hold a tune in a paper bag.

So, rather weirded out by the TV, I looked around the chicken shop and caught something on the weird wallpaper. Now this wallpaper, which looked like the stuff that would belong in the bedroom of an only child born to hippie parents had a rather strange statement written on it.
"Meat of chicken can prevent cancer." WTF? Now, I am not a scientist but I am sure that is utter baws. What is truly inexplicable is how this sentence ever made it on the wall. Did the Korean owners in an effort to attract the business of erstwhile foreigners think this will do it, we will tell them this will stop them from getting cancer. Because of course, I always think about a food's cancer blocking powers when deciding what to order. Mmmmm, broccoli not much on the old tastebuds, but guess what you are fucked now colon caner.

Or my other theory is that due to the many strange english statements that can be observed, translators are secretly taking the piss out of many sincere Korean business people. "Yes, it does say that Meat of chicken is tasty food."

Madness.